Ending or happy ending.

Is it a happy ending when it comes with a list of things that you’re supposed to do, a list of dos and donts. Dialogues of ‘you are expected to do xyz because that’s what is expected. You are expected to make breakfast and do this or that or abc and xyz’

So I have to do things that I would love doing, not because I want to or because I would love doing them. I will do those very things because it is ‘expected’.

*

You use the wrong words all the time. About things that actually matter so much. And the one time I used a word with no better synonym, it was oh so inappropriate.

*

Happy ending. :’)

Fight or flight?

---

---

You say I love fighting right?

I’m defensive. At all times. With everyone. Except people I let in. Things changed for us. Atleast they did in my head. But you’re still stuck somewhere else.

*

If you’re going to make stupid assumptions and if you’re going to fight on tiny little things like ‘phrasing’ a word correctly, then what exactly are you expecting?

*

I have to make a conscious effort to not get angry. And if you keep poking me and aggravating me. And not having even a tiny bit of faith in me. And assuming the worst where I’m concerned.. what are you really expecting?

*

I thought you were the kind of person who would never make issues out of stupid, tiny things. Especially if their consequences are this bad. I thought you understood situations. And I really did think you were the kind of person who’d let stupid things pass because you were smart like that and knew when it wasn’t bloody worth it.

*

I think you like fighting and confrontation way more than I do.

*

Just. Fucking. Perfect.

*

In other news, I’d been wanting to go somewhere for more than a year. And my plan got cancelled last minute. Because my kitten is ugly. And because I clearly don’t understand other people’s priorities. And because I’m selfish and I think my own shit is more important. And because if someone tells you why they can’t go or why it’ll be hard, they aren’t “excuses”, they’re “reasons” and because I clearly dont understand why those reasons were so important – even though I do. Lol.

This is just too much.

Petty.

Is it a petty issue when you stand to lose someone who has been a good friend to you for a very long time?

All because of a stupid misunderstanding?
*

Is it a petty issue when someone is badmouthing you to people and you’re actually losing out as a consequence?

*

Is it a petty issue when the one person who knows what the problem is, thinks its all ‘woman’ bullshit and refuses to help?

Especially when all you wanted from that one person was support.

*

Fucking. Selfish. People. Who. Only. Want. Instant. Gratification. And. Cant. Even. Be. There. Are. Fucking. Petty.

*

I’m going to murder the bitch.

*

F.r.i.e.n.d.s

I think all I’ve ever wanted, socially, is a group of friends. One group, with people who are friends with each other and make plans together and takes trips together and celebrate little things and just be friends.

And somehow I never got a group. School was fragmented people and politics. University was fragmented people and politics and while we did become an amazing group at the end of it, it clearly wasn’t made to last.

People have started working, there are sub groups everywhere and people have moved away. The sub groups come first. New people. New circumstances. The group is dead.

I’ve always been trying to keep the group together but now I’m done. Completely.

I don’t have a group and I don’t even have a sub-group to fall back on.

I need new friends? Who’ll ask me to come with, if they plan a trip. Or go to a concert . Or go out shopping. Or at least include me in their plans.

However, I think it might be too much to ask for at this point.

*

Sighs.

* 

You.

You make me so happy.

❤