He took my white kitten. I asked him for just 4 more days but he didn’t listen.
So now it’s gone. And I’m going to keep crying till my heart breaks. Or maybe I won’t but it sure feels that way.
*
It came when I called. It slept with me. It slept on my lap. I asked my mom if I could keep it and she said no. My selfish sister couldn’t even convince her for me.
*
Grief. So much. So so so much grief.
‘You won’t get it’..’let it go its too complicated for you to understand..its technical’.
I hate such sentences. I hate them. Like someone studied math and I studied business so does that make my brain incapable of understanding anything related to math or engineering? No. I’ve always thought that I’ve got a technical brain. Probably because my dad always explains whatever I ask – no matter how complicated.
*
You’re cute. You explain everything to me and that’s the most adorable thing ever. No matter what it’s related to, you take out the time and talk to me like I’m smart. Which is something that’s just very adorable.
Thanks. ❤
I cried a lot just now. A WHOLE freaking lot.
*
Life’s funny. I was driving along, minding my own business, listening to music and chilling. Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a bird swoop down and then I heard a light thud.
A light sickening thud which .. well. I can’t describe it.
I knew the bird hit my car, or the car had hit my bird: either way I was praying for it to be okay despite the odds. Constantly checking my rear view mirror, the more time I spent looking at it, the more convinced I was that it had flown away.
I reached my house, parked in front of my house and got off to open the gate. As soon as I got in front of my car I saw a dead bird.
And I cried. Alot. A lot a lot alot.
*
I’d done ten thousand different things today. I went to university in the morning. Had a meeting. Went out for lunch. Came back. Did an assignment. Went out again. From 10am to 6.30pm I’d been busy.
If only I’d spend one more minute at lunch. If only I’d spent one more minute in university. If only I hadn’t overtaken one car. If I hadn’t stopped at the traffic light. If I’d left university a little later.
I wouldn’t have killed the bird.
*
Mom saw me crying when I came in so naturally she was alarmed. When I told her the reason she shrugged it off.
*
Maybe its because a couple of years ago I saw a dead bird on the road – which had become roadkill. Maybe its because a saw its mate flitting about the dead bird chirping as loud as it probably could. Maybe I saw it fly away when a car approached and fly back as soon as the car crossed. I can’t get that image out of my head. Never have, never will.
*
I’ve seen what happens to people when their significant other passes away. They become hysterical. Flit about. Crying the whole time.
*
I fucking killed a bird.
I have a problem. I get too attached. To people. To inanimate objects. To animals.
But that’s not a problem in itself now is it? The problem is that these things are finite. Ephemeral.
They. Don’t. Last.
Fuccckk.
*
I have like three girl best friends. One of them went to my favouritest place with two of my other friends and didn’t bother asking me. So make that two girl best friends.
*
This guy called me monstrous and sickening the other day. He told me I’m the worst person on the planet, and that I completely screwed him over, and that I essentially, single handedly, ruined his life.
I was befuddled – to say in the least. I don’t think I’ve ever been called so many bad things at once – especially from someone I had a super high regard for.
It was eating away at me. And I FINALLY found out the reason yesterday and I was essentially dying to tell the ONE person that I actually talked to about all this.
So I told him. He was all ‘what?! No way.. who told you!?’
And when I told him how I knew – he went ‘oh I knew already’.
*
I don’t think I’ve been that hurt in a long, long time.
*
I get it. Someone made him promise not to tell anyone. But I was going crazy in my head about it. I was up three nights in a row because of that bullshit. I talked to ‘my secret corridor’ for a whole night about this. He KNEW how important this was for me. And he ‘pretended’ not to know.
*
When I told him I hated him for not telling me, he told me ‘I needed help’
*
So. Fucking. Amazing.
*
Moving on.
socomfortablynumb 